The rewards have been completely and unexpectedly wonderful. I would even call the rewards life-altering.
The book talks about the voices in our head that we use to punish ourselves into good behavior. Do you know what I'm talking about? I didn't at first and the book encouraged me to just observe the conversations that take place around situations both easy and worrisome. I've been astounded to learn that I have a voice that is always rebellious, another that is positively destructive, and one, The Judge, who just tilts her head with slightly arched eyebrows and I am jumping to my feet trying to win her approval.
The book has helped me look at the way I've used punishment to motivate myself to action. Here's an example: When I was 24 years old I'd had my second child. I realized that I'd gained some weight. In fact, I was about 40 lbs. heavier than I should have been when I got married...I gained 60 lbs. with my first child and 30 or so with the second. Man, if those pounds were dollars I coulda bought a lot of gumballs! (Did you notice that I said, "should have been?" Where did that come from? Who said I "should have been" anything other than what I was?)
Anyway, I was heavier than I wanted to be...and about 60 lbs less than I am right now, so we'll talk about perspective later. My remedy to my weight problem was to change. I needed motivation. But what?
I decided that every time I walked by a reflective surface I would tell myself that I was a cow. A fat cow. And so I did. I walked past plate glass windows and would repeat in my mind, "you are a fat cow." I'd be brushing my teeth and telling myself I was a fat cow. If I saw my face in the sauce pot while cooking dinner I was obligated to remind myself of my fatness and bovine nature.
I did this for more than 10 years. As a result I gained about 120 lbs. I became the thing I was calling myself. In retrospect I should have called myself Tinkerbell or at least Kate Beckinsale (all 89 lbs. of her). In my defense: A) I didn't know what a powerful mind I had. B) I didn't know how cruel I was being. C) I didn't realize that I deserved to be treated kindly.
The book helped me realize A, B, and C. As I meditate and ponder the daily questions and assignments I have had some marvelous insights. On Day 21 I got stuck. I haven't been able to move past it, in part because I haven't been willing to do the assignment. So today I did the assignment and I want to share it with you.
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Day 21 asks us to consider that willpower /resolutions /self-improvement projects all lack staying power...we run out of steam on those projects. Then the text says, "Once you comprehend compassionateself-discipline, you will no longer have to rely on inspiration or
willpower to accomplish what you want to do. You will have more than tools and techniques to make changes or obtain results, you will have an attitude of mind and heart that makes just about anything in life available to you."
I really like this idea and want to tap into the power behind it. The assignment for Day 21 is to write down what you see as the differences between compassionate self-discipline and inspiration/resolutions/willpower. (I think of inspiration/resolutions/willpower as the voice that called me a cow for 10 years.)
It was wonderfully eye opening to see the differences between the two "approaches." In my journal I wrote them side by side, but I am not able to do that in a blog *yet*, so keep that in mind as you read.
Compassionate Self-Discipline is:
* Internally (love) motivated
* on a path that's always correcting --like radio wave (I drew a line
horizontally on the page and made an S wave above and below--the bar
is the AIM and the S wave represents course corrections--sometimes I
hit the mark, over or undershoot the goal, but I'm always near it)
*like holding a string and watching it dangle/fall into place
*like being hugged
*moving in a direction as though strolling so that characteristics are
being developed and the end result is permanent improvement...Looking
at this statement now I am clearer on what I was trying to say, to
wit: with Compassionate Self-Discipline the AIM is in mind every day,
so every day we are becoming what we want to be. The "end result" is
very near, not far away. For example, I signed up to go to a yoga
retreat not because I AM a fantastic yoga practitioner, but because I
want to be--and when I ask friends their opinion they say that I am
ready for this retreat NOW, not in 5 years.
* Compassionate self-discipline is like a marathon that I can take at my own pace...taking breaks when needed.
* infinitely sustainable
Inspiration/Resolutions/Willpower (These are the unkind and judging voices that we use to motivate ourselves) is:
*externally driven --heading for the goal OUT THERE
*this path has a steep incline at the beginning, then levels out and
has a HUGE drop at the end
*like hitting a string with a bat and wondering why it seems so lifeless
*like being kicked
*moving in a direction with no regard to anything but the goal--so
it's disappointing when I miss my mark, then I get depressed and
either give up or want to give up...since it's all focused on the end
result I feel extremely frustrated as I work toward it, especially if
when I miss my mark I call it FAILURE
*Resolutions/Willpower feel like a very long sprint
*impossible to sustain
-----------------------------------------------
I hope this might make some sense for you. If you have a Judge or a Rebel or an Emo Kid...it might be time to thank them for their tireless service in the name of self-improvement and then release them.
Keep up your good work!
I really like this idea and want to tap into the power behind it. The assignment for Day 21 is to write down what you see as the differences between compassionate self-discipline and inspiration/resolutions/
It was wonderfully eye opening to see the differences between the two "approaches." In my journal I wrote them side by side, but I am not able to do that in a blog *yet*, so keep that in mind as you read.
Compassionate Self-Discipline is:
* Internally (love) motivated
* on a path that's always correcting --like radio wave (I drew a line
horizontally on the page and made an S wave above and below--the bar
is the AIM and the S wave represents course corrections--sometimes I
hit the mark, over or undershoot the goal, but I'm always near it)
*like holding a string and watching it dangle/fall into place
*like being hugged
*moving in a direction as though strolling so that characteristics are
being developed and the end result is permanent improvement...Looking
at this statement now I am clearer on what I was trying to say, to
wit: with Compassionate Self-Discipline the AIM is in mind every day,
so every day we are becoming what we want to be. The "end result" is
very near, not far away. For example, I signed up to go to a yoga
retreat not because I AM a fantastic yoga practitioner, but because I
want to be--and when I ask friends their opinion they say that I am
ready for this retreat NOW, not in 5 years.
* Compassionate self-discipline is like a marathon that I can take at my own pace...taking breaks when needed.
* infinitely sustainable
Inspiration/Resolutions/
*externally driven --heading for the goal OUT THERE
*this path has a steep incline at the beginning, then levels out and
has a HUGE drop at the end
*like hitting a string with a bat and wondering why it seems so lifeless
*like being kicked
*moving in a direction with no regard to anything but the goal--so
it's disappointing when I miss my mark, then I get depressed and
either give up or want to give up...since it's all focused on the end
result I feel extremely frustrated as I work toward it, especially if
when I miss my mark I call it FAILURE
*Resolutions/Willpower feel like a very long sprint
*impossible to sustain
-----------------------------------------------
I hope this might make some sense for you. If you have a Judge or a Rebel or an Emo Kid...it might be time to thank them for their tireless service in the name of self-improvement and then release them.
Keep up your good work!
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