I have been trying for almost a week to compose this blog entry and it is just not coming. I am still processing...and I'm frustrated that processing doesn't happen more quickly!
Last week my friend Lisa made an observation that has stuck with me. We have a mutual friend who talks about how her mom always berates her for having a messy house, being overweight, etc. and Lisa said, "maybe her mom nags her because she feels like she hasn't taught her well."
Bingo.
My emptying nest is giving me a new perspective right now. I have been wracked with feeling such regret lately. Did I hug my children enough? Did I listen enough? Did I look at them in the eyes and hold their gaze? Did I teach them what they will need to know about life? Or, more accurately, how could I have taught them enough about life when I'm still learning so much myself? Did I smile at them? Or did I just look aggravated all the time?
Dear friends have given me perspective. Brenda, who lived next door for 5 important years, says my home always felt warm and loving. Michelle says I can do things differently going forward; I can apologize. My therapist reminds me that my role as a parent is not over, it is just changing. My children still need me, just differently. I can figure this out.
Let me just pause here and say that they are getting a lot more snuggles and hugs from this point on.
This topic is not exhausted, but I am!
1 comment:
When I starting looking into the past with regretful feelings, I stop and say "I did the best I could at the time." It's true. We're all always learning, and trying to the do the best we can.
The fact that your kids still like you is a good indication that you did all right.
Cheiko Okazaki said one of my favorite pick-me-ups: If you only do a job half way, or only half good enough, pat yourself on only half your back.
Post a Comment