Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Perfection is God's business

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business. - Michael J. Fox

I used to think I wasn't a perfectionist because I wasn't perfect.

I've since learned that there are two types of perfectionists - those who strive for flawlessness and take pride in their work without a hit to their self-esteem, and those who set unobtainable goals accompanied by hyper-critical evaluations of performance and obsessive concern with others' assessments.

For the most part, I fall into the second category.  I use perfectionism as just one more tool with which to punish myself.

Well...not as much any more.  Today I (will) accept my efforts as good enough.  

And like pearls on a string, I add one day of good enough to the next and eventually I have a beautiful strand of unique and beautiful days.

Today I think I'll take a little break from putting my head down and pushing against the wind.  I'll lift my face into the breeze and take a little inventory with a loving dose of reality.  I'm doing this life thing, and I'm doing it well.

You?  Where are you on the perfectionism spectrum?  How do you give yourself a break?

Thursday, May 3, 2012


I'm feeling really sad today.

I'm feeling loss and grief.

...and gratitude.

Gratitude because it's been so difficult for me to identify feelings, to accept my feelings, and to move through them.  Today I have lots of tools in my toolbox including writing.  I used to have just one tool in my toolbox - eating.  Even before I was able to name the feeling, I was eating to soothe.  Today I am having the feeling.  I don't like it, and yet I like it much, much more than the ritual of eating | self-loathing | shame.

I am having dreams these days.  Not the night-time types of dreams, the "I dream of one day..." kind of dreams.  I am daring to hope for a future different from my life right now and I am a) afraid of the different and the new, b) paralyzed by the fear that it's already too late to make my career dreams come true and c) actively tearing down my confidence by reminding myself of where I'm inadequate.

Do I want to fail with glory or live a dun-colored life?

I actually need to decide.

I'm still sad, but I feel a little lighter.

What about you?  Where are you on your journey?